Meant to Be

Last Year in Marienbad
Last Year in Marienbad

Is this the way it was meant to be?
I remember the future differently,
But then again when could memory
Ever be trusted or relied upon,
Just raw rushes to be edited
Into a consoling, coherent fiction,
A vain attempt at a narrative
That lends structure, meaning,
To this messy rambling series
Of unfortunate events we group
Together and present as a
Distinct entirety called Life.

Is this the way it was meant to be?
I look in the mirror and I can’t
Recognise the figure I see staring
Nonchalantly back at me.
I am pursued by echoes, traces,
Vestiges of many different selves,
Degraded remnants of cancelled tomorrows,
Events that never happened that have
Yet retained a hold upon my senses
Far greater than any actuality
That may appeared to have perhaps
Occurred sometime in a half
Forgotten and ill-defined past.

Is this the way it was meant to be?
This era of ontological uncertainty,
At one point I may have seen a light
That drove me onward towards
A destination that I thought was home,
But it was switched off, extinguished,
Or maybe it just burnt itself out:
So now I spectrally waver,
Phantasmally flicker at the edge
Of your vision, waiting for you
To catch a glimpse, recognise
Love, give outline to desire,
Make the blood flow again
And shape my flesh to your will.

Arcane Gestures

Claude Cahun-1929-1930
Claude Cahun-1929-1930

Following the arcane gestures of your hands
That replicates and duplicates the movement
Of your swaying rolling hips against my pelvis
I stare long and hard into your glittering eyes
Focused on the middle distance chasing down
An ecstasy among the chimeras and paradoxes
The beauty of your distracted expression
Is a provocation, an exhalation of pure spirit
A command from above that I dare not refuse
For you alone can take me there to where I belong
Drenched with colour and drowning in sound
Overwhelmed by sensation and alive in love

Forgive

Stephanie Jung-Tokyo
Stephanie Jung-Tokyo

Now that I am fragile,
Now that the days weigh
Upon an already heavy heart,
Now that nights are infinite
With accumulated dread,
Now that I am falling,
Now that I need you
Can you forgive?
I have accrued sins,
There have been omissions,
Mortality is approaching
With an annihilating vision
That never assuages only
Magnifies the complicity,
A burden of guilt
Vaster than death:
Now that it’s too late,
(For it’s always
Later than we think)
For me to change;
Can you forgive,
Now that I need you?

 

Noir Ending

 

The Big Combo
The Big Combo

Here we go once again: better to start back at the beginning
Remember those days and nights filled with the glamour
When I locked our looks together I saw a door swing open
To reveal another door but not matter I was ready to stumble
Over the threshold with you on my shoulder a wonder
To marvel at vision shared doubled with intensity revelation
Of another more expansive world drenched in vivid colour
All the senses overloaded hyper stimulated the slightest
Glance of hand against the gold glimmering skin overwhelmed
Leading me to groan inside whenever I heard you gasp
Because I have always known how to ultimately disappoint
I learned over the years to savour the bitter fruits of betrayal
All the best movies have a noir ending when the credits roll
So this is us omega over and out amen: until the very next time

 

Chance would be

I-Ching
I-Ching

Chance would be
a beautiful thing
make it reign fall
downpour a deluge
and after the storm
a reverent silence
before starting up
and over again
to begin afresh
chance encounters
revelatory rituals
random sequences
casting of die
turning of cards
flipping of coins
drawing of straws
moving of pieces
intertwining-locking
heavenly combinations
hieratic poses
together you-I
swayed by chance.